On Growth|

 Hi folks. It's been a hot minute. 

I feel like my thoughts and feelings about this season of my life have been brewing for awhile. Burn out is not something that is talked about enough in every day conversations with people. I feel like part of the interesting facets of who I am, is that I am willing to have those conversations. I am willing to explore the uncomfortable feelings in order to gain more clarity and perspective. 

Asking people how they are doing has become the norm in our society. We do not even hesitate to greet someone with a "Hi/Hello" followed by a "How are you doing?". But do we listen? Do we see the nuances in a person's voice/tone/body language? 

Why do we feel shame when we answer honestly? Every time I answer honestly with how I am doing and I'm not doing well, I feel guilty. I feel like an inconvenience or a burden. But why?

There has been this societal expectation to "the grind" is admirable and rest is laziness. So much of our society is built around it. We applaud people who get up early and shame people who stay up late. We party hard, live for the weekend and grind all week. Push, push, push. But something's got to give. 

At what point is it enough? When will we arrive at this Mecca of sorts? When will we look at our lives and say, "Yes, this is it-so glad that I sacrificed everything for this exact moment."

I've never felt that moment. I have never been in that position. I have always felt like I wasn't doing enough, wasn't educated enough, smart enough or financially stable enough. I always was looking ahead to with this eternal list of goals and ambitions. 

Hear me out. I'm not shaming people who are ambitious or goal-orientated. But I am acknowledging that it almost ruined my mental health. All the cheques were cashed and I was left empty handed. With unresolved grief, stress and shame. Just pushing through, because "that's what you do.". 

Time gives you perspective. And so does rest. 

I was so lost in the "grind" that I forgot to have fun, I forgot to be silly and giggle at things that used to make me smile. I closed myself off to relationships because I felt like my presence was burdensome. I avoided conflict because I didn't have the emotional capacity to handle it. 

Two weeks ago, I walked by a cherry blossom tree. It was so cheery and happy and I thought, I should smell the flowers. But it was outside a public building and people were walking by, so I walked on. I was just about to get in my car, when I saw a older man, stop, delicately grab the branch and smell the blossoms. I felt so humbled in that moment by his gentle gesture. 

This is a reminder to you, and me, quite frankly, to allow moments of rest in your life. Your perspective will change when you stop looking down and start looking up.