Too|perfect
Tonight I sit here and reflect on many conversations as of late and trying to understand myself in a better way.
Whenever something is difficult for me, heart-wrenching, frustrating, challenging, I find myself using a "core method."
Everything has a core issue, a beginning to an end. The birth of something.
Whenever I'm in this conflicting place, I think to myself, "What is the core issue? What's under the surface?"
My ongoing conflict with myself is that of needing to be too perfect.
Wait. Hold your breath before you peg me as egocentric and self-absorbed.
The standard I set for myself is one that has a high regard. "Annette must be the perfect daughter-respectful, honest and kind. She must also be the perfect aunt, making a top priority of those precious souls she loves so dearly. Oh, and also a great friend-considerate, patient, burden bearing, sweet. Don't forget an excellent employee, giving 110% in all she does, enthusiastic and charming."
But something's got to give.
Sometimes I wish I was braver and kinder. More patient and more laid back. I wish that people could see me weak more often, that sometimes I need people. Sometimes I just long to be the one receiving.
The strongest and bravest people you know also need to let go and be real.
I pray that the more I grow and mature, the more I feel the freedom to let down my guard and need people to lift me up.
Whenever something is difficult for me, heart-wrenching, frustrating, challenging, I find myself using a "core method."
Everything has a core issue, a beginning to an end. The birth of something.
Whenever I'm in this conflicting place, I think to myself, "What is the core issue? What's under the surface?"
My ongoing conflict with myself is that of needing to be too perfect.
Wait. Hold your breath before you peg me as egocentric and self-absorbed.
The standard I set for myself is one that has a high regard. "Annette must be the perfect daughter-respectful, honest and kind. She must also be the perfect aunt, making a top priority of those precious souls she loves so dearly. Oh, and also a great friend-considerate, patient, burden bearing, sweet. Don't forget an excellent employee, giving 110% in all she does, enthusiastic and charming."
But something's got to give.
Sometimes I wish I was braver and kinder. More patient and more laid back. I wish that people could see me weak more often, that sometimes I need people. Sometimes I just long to be the one receiving.
The strongest and bravest people you know also need to let go and be real.
I pray that the more I grow and mature, the more I feel the freedom to let down my guard and need people to lift me up.
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