Expectations|

ex·pec·ta·tion.

[ˌekspekˈtāSH(ə)n]
NOUN
a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future

The last few months, thoughts have been rushing through my mind like a batch of towels on a dry cycle. Each one passes through my mind, and in a second, it is gone and replaced by some new concept. Something I find endearing about myself is my ability to be in a constant state of profound thinking. A single breath of fresh air, and my mind is off down a beaten path like a child running into the forest-fearless and uninhibited.

The great profoundness, as of late, is this idea of expectation. It's not a new concept, or brilliant new idea, but it's relevant to me.

Being newly married, it seems fitting to talk about expectations. If you don't have them going into marriage, you either are lying or you are delusional, to put it frankly. I think the most puzzling part to me, is where expectations are derived.

As a child,I was a performance-based student. I felt validated every time I completed an assignment correctly, or faster than my own timeline. I felt proud, and possibly a bit cocky of my own accomplishments. Being an excellent performer is great. I think excellence is a underrated trait. But what is difficult about being an excellence seeking, performance based student, is that you have unrealistic expectations of yourself.

I remember crying with my mom-who happened to be my teacher(homeschooled jokes can be saved for later). In my mind, it was a simple question that I SHOULD know the answer to. "Why don't I know it? What's wrong with me?", I'd say between sobs.

What I didn't realize, and what I do today, much older and wiser-naturally, is that my value of myself was based on expectations. What I should have seen, was that my merit was that I was a person and that it was ok to not always get things right.

See, society places unrealistic expectations on us. You don't have to look far to see billboards promoting a perfect body, or a commercial advertising riches as the be-all, end-all. Schools promote education that is academic based, leaving creative or differently abled kids, in the dark. Society promotes the next best car, shoes, purse as your equal of success.

I'm not here to blame society. I'm here to shift my thinking and hopefully make you think outside the box.

I remember one of my first weeks of marriage being frustrated at my husband, because I thought he should have done something that I HAD expected him to do. I was irritated and annoyed, as I felt that my feelings were justified. The problem with the situation, is that I was inadvertently putting an expectation on him, placing MY expectation on him. I was projecting what I valued as important on him, instead of realizing that what he valued and what I valued are different things.

When we put expectations on people, we demand compliance, essentially. If my boss has an expectation that I show up to work when I am suppose to, she is expecting my compliance. If I get a bill in the mail, my action of paying it, is compliance based. If not, I will have to pay the consequences.

Here's the truth. I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I place expectations on people sometimes without even realizing it. It's human nature.

But here's a profound thought, and it might even be life changing for you.

The minute you start to let go of your expectations of a situation, or a person or an event, you start to realize that there is so much beauty around you.

You start to feel liberated and you start to take people at their face value. You start to see that by NOT putting expectations on people, you are getting to experience a version of them that you never could have known if you had an ideal version of them in your head. And you know what else happens?

Your world starts to expand and open up and you start to change.