10 Things|

The end of a decade and the end of a agonizing and difficult year.

Each end of the year, I find myself reflecting on what was good about the year, what things I learnt and how I've experienced fresh and new perspective from it. 

So here are my "10 Things I Learnt in 2020". I hope you see some of yourself in these as well.

 1)Resilience

 I remember going to a seminar years ago that talked about "Compassion Fatigue" and how the minute we begin to feel fatigued, it is because we have given up hope. I think feeling burdened by things, and overwhelmed is a natural human response. But the minute to feel fatigued, you are beyond the point of exhaustion. This year taught me that, contrary to what I thought,  I am capable of handling much more than I ever gave myself credit.

 Hope fills us with a sense of promise for the future--holding onto what is good.

 2) Boundaries

I used to think that I had to live my life like an open book. Allowing all aspects of my life to be evident and accessible. People would think I was relatable and approachable. They would know that what they saw, was what they got. 

I did not realize that when you set boundaries with people, it allows the ability to experience freedom. Setting boundaries does not make you less approachable or insensitive-it just allows you the ability to control the outcome. 

 3) Perseverance 

Nothing good ever came easy. Think about it. 

Think of your biggest accomplishments, your deepest relationships, your great victories.

They took grit, sweat and sacrifices. Endless moments where you gave up what was good for what was best.

This year forced me to master the art of perseverance. Tearing things down and starting from the bottom. Do you know how hard it is to put work into a foundation? It is the single most important aspect of a building. A foundation is almost exclusively naked to the eye, but it serves the greatest service to the integrity of the building.

 4)Vulnerability

This one is hard; for obvious reasons. I always "thought" I lived my life openly. But I learnt this year that I tend to push through hard things without addressing the core of the issue. 

I push away complex emotions because it is painful. This year gave me insight into how I address conflict in my life, how I feel and think about myself, and how I deal with pain-specifically that of loss. Which evidently, I experienced a lot of this year.

 5) Freedom 

It's ironic that right after writing about vulnerability, I write about freedom. Often, we think of freedom in the typical sense. Freedom of speech, freedom in society, freedom of beliefs. 

But what we do not often think about it that in order to experience freedom, we have to let go of something else. 

         Freedom lies on the other side of comfort.

One of my biggest quotes this year was, "Flowers do not grow unless they are in dirt."

What comfortable things do you need to let go of to grow? 

 6) Creativity 

 The space and perspective of "time" this year was different than any other year. I found myself, as I can imagine you did too, with lots of time on your hand. I love my job, but it does not allow me the liberty  of creativity. Midway through the year, I started reselling used items in my house. 

What started as a small hobby, turned into quite a lucrative venture.

 I found myself trying to find things to post, going to thrift stores to find "those items" and it allowed me the opportunity to put my energy into something fun.

 I always find when I am stuck in a "rut", it is most likely because I haven't experience creativity in awhile.

 7) Self-Awareness 

 This could very well go in tandem with vulnerability and freedom, as I think it is the catalyst for those outcomes.

 It is simple to say you "know yourself", but do you "understand yourself"? It takes courage to look in the mirror and acknowledge things about yourself that are not great. To understand why you respond certain ways and why something bothers you. 

The single most courageous things we can do, is to seek to improve the way we respond to things. Ask the people in your life who know you best--to be honest with you.

Their perspective will be uncomfortable but might allow you the opportunity to grow.

 8) Prioritize

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a great person with my money. 

I always say I am an emotional spender--spend when I'm sad, happy, stressed, excited. It is a bad habit, and one that I have had to revisit often. Greg has taught me the art of saving and prioritizing our spending and I am proud of where I am today. I was able to pay off a significant amount of debt this year because I learnt the art of prioritizing my spending and worked hard to pay off debt. 

They say you cannot teach an old dog new tricks, but here I am.

 9)Communication 

Speaking vs. communicating.

Hearing vs. listening. 

Interpreting vs. Understanding. 

So often these opposites are so parallel that we miss the vastness of their difference. 

This year allowed me the opportunity to communicate with people in my life is ways I never imagined. I thought I knew my husband well, but this year welcomed stories about our childhood and adolescence. Things I have not explored in years. 

It is quite an amazing feeling to be able to articulate your childhood to someone who knows nothing about it. Describing the scents, smells and feelings--priceless.

 10) Perspective 

This year was emotional to say the least. I lost 4 people I loved, I experienced friends and family with health issues, 8 family members moved away from Ontario, and we were living and working in a global pandemic. 

Perspective is a funny thing because most times I experience it when things are hardest. It jars me, wakes me up and forces me to see all that is good in my life. I lost a lot this year-there is no doubt about that. The pain still is with me. 

But I also gained a lot. Deeper friendships, healthier relationships, hopefulness, a deeper faith. 

2020 gave me the gift of all these things, but most importantly perspective.